we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
