She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
