Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
