my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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