So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
