note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize