So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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