There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
