my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
