i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
