you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
