Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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