Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
