Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
