Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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