The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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