No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
