Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
