i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
