Well apparently he's into motor boating.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
