Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
