You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
