in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
