My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
