i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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