So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
