so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
