I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
