But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
