So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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