I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Randomize
