Pappa wants mamma naked
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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