Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
