The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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