That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
