I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
