I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
