So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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