we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
