I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
