i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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