Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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