We got so high we made milksteak
smell my finger.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
