I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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