so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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