We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
