thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
