All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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