There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
