for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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