Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
