I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
