Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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