making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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