I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
