I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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