I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize