im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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