thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
