yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
