i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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