All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You're a waste of cheezeits
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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