ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
