Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
