I can text with my tongue
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
