Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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